I found this ad in today’s Wall Street Journal. My analysis is below. How would you critique it? In your opinion, what works? What would you improve?
Share your thoughts in the comments section. Would love to hear them! This is a great way for us to learn from each other and practice the critical thinking skills essential to making us more valuable as Strategic Copywriters to our clients or employers.
Source: Dow Jones & Company, Inc.
What Works
· For the most part, this ad clearly communicates the value proposition to the audience. Essentially, it says: Most job sites are generic. Your skills are listed as “finance,” a general category where you can easily get lost among the multitude of people vying for jobs. Since FINS specializes in finance jobs, you’re not just “finance,” you’re a “Risk Analyst,” a specific field that narrows down the search for employers, making you more noticeable by the right people.
Ideas for Improvement
· I suggest adding a headline above the existing header “To most online job sites, you’re in finance.” The header would be something like, “Connect with the Right Employer in Less Time.” This taps into what the audience really wants: The right job – NOW!
· The copy, “We’re more than just finance jobs” is unclear and superfluous. Is FINS.com moving beyond finance to offer other job categories – IT, marketing, etc.? When you keep reading, you realize No, that’s not the case. However, if their intention is to communicate that FINS.com goes deeper than the broad category of “finance” by parsing it into a full spectrum of sub categories, this copy falls short. Therefore, to eliminate the confusion, I recommend removing the copy: “You’re more than just finance. We’re more than just finance jobs.” It does not bolster the value proposition and actually seems to weaken the message.
· I suggest rewriting the last section to read something like: “Tailored specifically to finance professionals, FINS.com equips you with the career advice, industry news and employer profiles you need to expedite the process to land your dream job.”
What's your analysis?
What works? What would you recommend to improve it?
About the Author:Sean M. Lyden is a nationally recognized feature writer and columnist on sales, marketing, automotive and technology topics. As a ghostwriter and copywriter, Sean has served clients such as General Motors, SunTrust Service Corporation, Morgan Stanley, Embedded Linux Consortium and Shaw Industries. He’s also co-author of the book How to Succeed and Make Money on Your First Rental House (published by John Wiley & Sons). Follow Sean on Twitter.
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